Due to popular insistence of the three most important people—me, myself, and I—The Golden Shovel is back for the second week of Azalea City Fantasy Wrestling.
To start, we had another beatdown when Madelyn killed all of Phillip’s hopes and dreams. Not satisfied with simply winning a match, she had Kevin Owens lead her team to a 34-15 victory, but at least he followed the rules and stayed on one show instead of sneaking onto the other like the New Day did last week.
Recovering from a hard loss in week one, Jacob came back with a very close win that we hear went exactly as simulated. Not that he’s going to complain, of course. Going with Limitless Keith Lee as his captain, the 2 point favorite scored 22.5, barely skimming over the 21 points that Brandon made.
Keeping it close for our entertainment? Not likely, but we appreciate it anyway, Jacob.
It was Corporation versus Corporation when Terry went up against Jeff this week. Cagle versus...Not-Cagle? Cagle versus Jeff.
The Phenomenal One, AJ Styles, and his jolly new giant—I mean, his new bodyguard—put the opposing team in Jeff-pardy despite being the underdogs. Racking up 34.5 against Jeff’s 29.5, he showed that all you need is a big scary bodyguard.
Game of the week again pitted Austin against a top opponent. In a battle of not sharing the victory points, Ben learned the hard way that his fellow Foundation members feel the same way as he does. It’s a kill or be killed world, and Austin took the maximum number of victory points, leaving Ben with only one for the week.
Does that mean you’re proud, Ben?
Team Captain Asuka carried Austin to a 36-31 win by defeating opposing captain Lana in a rather unfulfilling title match. It was quickly overshadowed by the following match’s ensuing points controversy, but at least the final scores are remembered.
Quotes of the Week!
Sponsored by The Golden Shovel
“Jeff didn’t start El Gran Gordo?” ~Ben
“It was just good business.” ~Phillip
“Djkanalanadingdong.” ~Ben
Our interview for this week was with Terry of the Cagle Corporation.
The Golden Shovel: “Congrats on the record-breaking upset! What was your mindset going into that?”
Terry: “Well, you know something, Brother Love! The Tenacious One did not have much confidence going into the PPV because I didn’t have anyone participating, it seemed. But then, out of nowhere, the great Bobby Lashley appeared and was victorious and retained the U.S. title. Of course, the Tenacious One would like to thank the Viper for upsetting that chump Drew McIntyre as well. Thank you for the congrats, Brother Love. The Tenacious One wants to know what ya gonna do when I, and the largest arms at Azalea City, run all over this league, brother!?”
GS: “Why does the Phenomenal One have such a large bodyguard? Where did they even find such a tol boi?”
Terry: “Well, let me tell you another thing, Brother Love...the Phenomenal One scraped the bottom of the barrel getting that joker to be his bodyguard. If he wanted a true immortal, he should have picked up the phone and called the guy with the largest arms at Azalea City, Brother!”
GS: “And most importantly, favorite comedy movie?”
Terry: “The Tenacious One doesn’t watch comedy, brother, but if I had to choose, I thought Anchorman was funny.”
After that interview, we here at The Golden Shovel again had many unanswered questions. Who thinks so highly of someone like Bobby Lashley? Why is the self-titled “Tenacious One” so bold as to call that hulking bodyguard a joker? And where do we hide when that fight comes?
And who doesn’t watch comedies?
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