Another week, another glorious Golden Shovel. You’re welcome.
In her worst weeks so far, Madelyn is barely scraping up wins. Everyone is thinking it, but we here at Golden Shovel will say it—it’d be nice to see her toppled.
But that didn’t quite happen when she was matched against Jeff in Week 5. Even though her captain, Johnny Gargano, scored well below what was expected of him, only managing 7.5 points. It was enough, unfortunately, and they crawled away with an unimpressive 18.5-16 victory.
Foundation versus...former Foundation? Austin, in an attempt to stay in the top three in the rankings, captained Danny Burch for a decent 32.5 points. And sticking to his half-point and win-loss plan, Jacob scored 26.5 and gave up the victory point in the name of balance.
We still have questions about that, but Austin’s likely not complaining.
Now that he’s made it to #2, Terry plans to stay there. At least for a while. With Bobby Lashley as his captain, he racked up a solid 42 against the 11 points Phillip had to offer. Unnecessary, but we like your style, Tenacious One.
Game of the week was somewhat one-sided. After a string of losses, Ben finally seems to have found his footing again. His captain, Oney Lorcan, doubled up the points on Chris and ended the week with a 48-22 victory, giving him his second win in a row now.
Someone’s gotta make the Foundation look good, right?
Quotes of the Week!
Sponsored by The Golden Shovel
“Don’t worry, Golden Shovel, you have the full endorsement of the League’s worst team.” ~Phillip
“Whoever writes the Golden Shovel just doesn’t understand the depths of the Foundation’s love for each other…” ~Ben
“Yay.” ~Phillip
“Oh...congrats, Terry.” ~Ben
“Cheater.” ~Ben
“This is just the part of the movie where the new guy gets his butt kicked. But in between this season and next, I’m gonna have a training montage and then suddenly I’m better than everyone.” ~Phillip
“I sure hope Chris doesn’t put up 33+ points tonight…” ~Ben
Our interview for this week was with Madelyn of the Fetner Foundation
The Golden Shovel: “In the first weeks, you were putting up record-breaking points. Now...well, if you were facing any of your early opponents, you’d still have zero victory points. Any comments on that?”
Madelyn: “I had to show off at the beginning to show everyone what I’m capable of. Now, I only have to do what’s necessary to win. I’ve realized there’s no point in putting in more energy than needed on these chumps.”
GS: “How do you think this upcoming week—against fellow Foundation member Jacob—will go?”
Madelyn: “The same as every other week. I’ll show up, I’ll win, I’ll move on to the next victim.”
GS: “And, most importantly, favorite fantasy creature?”
Madelyn: “A liger. It’s pretty much my favorite animal. It’s like a lion and a tiger mixed...bred for its skills in magic.”
After the interview, we here at The Golden Shovel were left with a few extra questions. Such as, if she’s capable of putting up such high numbers, why risk a loss by being lazy? Doesn’t she know next week is a win week for Jacob, and that his plan for balance has not failed yet?
And isn’t a liger a real animal?
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